Black clouds hovered on the horizon, and a spattering of large raindrops fell as the Bar team trickled on to the Oaklands College pitch. With a downpour threatening, the mood was subdued. Nobody likes the prospect of a soaking during a match… and this is supposed to be *Summer* League hockey! I cursed, as I’ve been hoping for rain to sort out my parched garden… but NOT NOW!
As the practice balls went out the enthusiasm and team spirit lifted. Fortunately, so did the clouds, and the rain stopped.

I watched Hockey tricks and skills” videos on YouTube during the week.
Figured watching YouTube might help me be a better player…
No substitute for Mikey’s Monday night training sessions though. I do miss them.
Anyone who skips training, you’re missing a trick - and a fun time! You should go. Yes, really!
Anyway, back to YouTube… Some Australian pro hockey dude made a drag-flick into goal look easy, as he taught some kids how to do it. They seemed to pick it up ok. I’d seen Mikey doing it at training, so I memorised the footwork and the two-stage drag and flick action…
As a defender, it seemed the most obvious trick to have a go at :-)
After all, one of the reasons for Summer League is to try new positions and new skills…
I’d warmed up, and was ready to try my new skill. I practiced the footwork, and the drag and the flick ‘sans ball’, like a golfer takes a practice swing and imagines the ball flying through the air … the best shot ever!

Cue ballet-dancing hippo, with feet tripping and body tipping and an ungainly swipe at the ball, which rolled over the back of my stick and travelled about 2 feet. YouTube… you’re fired!
I need to practice without an audience. It must have been the audience – my fellow team mates. In my minds eye, the practice shot was perfect! In reality, I’m not sure anyone even noticed my attempt. Did I see a raised eyebrow from James…? “What you doin’ man?” Enough said!

With no hockey being played at weekends during the summer, the team find other ways to meet up, including virtually. There had been some team banter via WhatsApp on Saturday evening: “If you were a cartoon character, which one would you be?” Thanks Ghosty for inspiring us with such mind bending concerns… Some suggestions better than others, but a surprisingly fun activity for team bonding!

Back to the pre-match warm up…
As per usual, the forwards (including Sam “Road Runner” Penn and George “Superman” McCormick) warmed up by whacking balls hard at Mo “Super Mario” Umney. That might sound bad, but let me reassure you, Mo is a popular guy… and our star keeper. Mo stopped ball after ball (when they were actually on target – more practice fellas! Get yourself to training!). Super Mario was on top form. The forwards only managed to score when they found the corner of the goal.
Credit where credit’s due: I drew them a map and can talk a good goal :-)
The rest of the squad jogged about, hit, whacked, aerialed, and juggled balls to warm up - hands out of pockets please!

Team line up included, in no particular order - Katy “Beryl the peril” Francis, George “Officer Dibble” Wickham , Richard “Yogi Bear” Laverick Brown, Lorraine “Lucy from Charlie Brown” Paul, Graham “Charlie Brown” Paul, and Sam “Marilyn Monroe” Lemmon.

Unfortunately, due to a ‘summer do’ at the veterinary college we were missing Clare “Bam! Bam!” Parker, and Lucy “Penelope Pitstop” Bourne. And Gary “Pink Panther” Langthorne was living up to his other alter-ego “Ghosty” – only present in spirit!

Talking of spirit, I should confess, my match report this week is sponsored by Glen Morangie single malt whiskey, so please excuse … everything that follows.

We had a guest appearance from new star player Hannah this week, filling in for Clare and Lucy. A big ask, and fortunately for us she turned out to be very capable. She will be back next week to collect her stick, as captain Lorraine Paul held it hostage at the end of the game. Well, that’s how I heard it… other rumours suggested Hannah donated her stick to lost property. Somewhere lies the truth…

Umpire Alan “Homer Simpson” Field (yup, no escaping the team banter!) was keen as mustard to avoid further rain, so he got the game off to a prompt start.
After the push back, the world went blurry… No, it’s not the whiskey. I know, you’re thinking the action was so fast paced it was hard to keep up, but not that either… a kamikaze insect hit my eye. Addressing that issue wearing a defenders thickly padded glove was a challenge, but I soldiered on, eye weeping.

PBHC v Southgate … always a grudge match apparently. Inter club rivalry at its most competitive, or a bitter resentment based on reasons lost in myth and legend? Most likely the teas weren’t up to par one week! Anyway, I heard one player comment “we don’t like Southgate” and a reply: “Nobody likes Southgate”. I’m not sure the Southgate team are such villains. They looked a friendly enough bunch. Southgate had turned out in force, and had some quality players, trick shots and all. Yours truly marked a little ‘un who measured up to my midriff. “He won’t be much trouble”, I thought.

PBHC 0 Southgate 0
As per usual, in charitable style Bar gave the lead to the opposition. They had come at us holding positions and working triangles, then broke into a frenzied scramble around the D and finally a shot on goal, right in the corner. Even with Super Mario on top form, there was no stopping it.
PBHC 0 Southgate 1

Déjà vu?
Just the same as last week, a goal down and Sam Penn made a heroic effort to quickly equal the score. A cheer from the Bar team let Southgate know “We’re back in business!”
PBHC 1 Southgate 1

Southgate were having none of it. The Bar battle cry spurred them on, and they sent the little ‘un down the wing a few times. He had trick shots, and fast legs … and with no body weight to speak of, could change direction every step. I was working hard to contain him.

Elsewhere, the Bar team made searching runs, with George “G-Mac” McCormick, Rich Laverick-Brown, and Sam Penn working hard in midfield. Hits out to the wings reached Sam Lemmon, Katie Francis and Hannah who all combined with the boys to press the Southgate defence and present a number of opportunities for a dance round the D. Well, it seems like a broken record … every week we create lots of chances early on, but fail to convert to goals. If it is a broken record, we need a different tune to dance to. Clare Parker we need your boom box tunes back!

Another goal for Southgate! Grrr! Boo! Hiss! We don’t like them. Nobody likes them!
After the match Super Mario claimed the second goal was his fault, but I didn’t buy it. It definitely wasn’t an own goal, so I’m blaming the Southgate striker.
PBHC 1 Southgate 2

Not sure how that happened, but we reset and went again…
Bar pushed up hard, spreading the ball to the wing where James Orr was revved up and ready to run. He’s like a speedboat on full throttle, with nobody at the helm. Full pelt, this way, that way and any way he can … but he does have one special gift – a goal magnet. Within seconds of the previous Southgate goal James nudged the ball past the Southgate keeper to level the score. Yay! Go James!
I haven’t dared tell him there’s no silverware to collect for mixed summer league hockey :-\
PBHC 2 Southgate 2 … all to play for.

Southgate tried a few runs, floated in a few aerial shots, but we handled them … a tight defensive line up, with some timely and rather impressive interventions and clearances by team captain Lorraine Paul, by Jo Williams and the odd flick away by yours truly.

The little ‘un from Southgate was tiring me out. I yelled “George” at the top of my voice as I wanted to swap off for a rest. George Wickham waived back from the side line in acknowledgement. Unfortunately, George “G-Mac” McCormick heard the shout of “George!” and saw George Wickham waving on the side line. Me and G-Mac headed off, resulting in a comedy moment as George Wickham tried to figure out how he was supposed to cover 2 positions. Me and George W yelled at G-Mac in unison: “your back on!” – Poor G-Mac, possibly the shortest rest period in the history of hockey! Team management can be tricky with 2 Georges and 2 Sam’s!

As usual, the half time team talk from Lorraine was very positive. Super Mario offered some useful tips like a commander of the fleet from his all-seeing helmsman’s position. I know umpires are supposed to be unbiased, but even Alan Field offered advice.

The jelly babies were rationed this week, which Ghosty will be pleased to hear. Ghosty said something on the team WhatsApp chat about Di Abetes. I think he’s recruiting a new player for the ladies, but she failed to show this week.

Into the second half and both teams restarted intent on scoring more goals. This match was a roller coaster ride, as the teams moved up and down the pitch with goals coming at both ends.

Bar found the back board first, through Rich L-B (Rich get a shorter name, my fingers are getting tired doing all this typing!). Details escape me, but I think someone passed the ball to Rich, and he sneaked it in with a silky touch. Rich: note – I said “someone passed the ball”. “How to pass the ball” is something Mikey teaches at training. Go to training and learn! P A S S T H E B A L L.
(To be fair, he is improving, but he still needs telling. We are seeing fewer episodes of “Rich takes on all players to … lose the ball” … which is a good thing. Keep practicing Rich)
PBHC 3 Southgate 2 … but still time for more

Southgate caught the bar defence out. Somehow they had a man over, and were in the Bar D. I watched from the side line (my second rest break, in case you were thinking I’d been off pitch since the “George!” incident) … and a battle royal took place in the bar D. The ball seemed to rise in height every time someone hit it, but Southgate couldn’t get it into the goal, and Bar couldn’t clear it. For a few seconds it was like watching a tennis match as the ball was volleyed back and forth between players. A mad scramble, and then suddenly a poorly connected shot and lots of people out of position…. Like a slow-motion car crash, everyone watched the ball trickle towards goal from close range, yet nobody was near enough to reach out and stop it. A horrible, unstylish and undeserved goal. Grrrr! Unlucky Bar!
PBHC 3 Southgate 3

In the Bar camp, no words were said, and no blame was apportioned. But every player heard the words “We can’t let them win!” We had a fight on our hands, and only a few minutes left to win the grrrr!-udge match.

Step up Mr Orr. “Herr Orr” in German. And “Hero” in Potters Bar.
Our hero picked up the ball (possibly from a Rich L-B pass! …WTF Rich?‼) … and made another speedboat-style run to the base line, then uh-oh, he started coming back down the pitch – just far enough to spin round and pop the ball past the Southgate keeper! Nice baseline skills combined with a triple axle pirouette and slow slung shot! Fancy!
PBHC 4 Southgate 3

Prior to this write-up I confess I had to ask via the team WhatsApp chat who wanted to claim which goals. First response back from Ghosty: “I got 2 mate”. As Ghosty wasn’t with us this week (and I don’t mean in the “dead” sense) … that was somewhat improbable. Cheeky monkey!
Eventually after a long legal battle the claims and counter-claims were resolved, and a story emerged which I have reported above.

Some immense individual efforts this week, and some cracking goals, from both sides.
Great team work all round, and fantastic sprit.
4 wins out of 4. This team is going places!

A reduced “Best…” list this week as the whiskey is kicking in and I need to go to bed!
Finally…and a reminder to “be careful out there” -
Best injury – George Wickham: Inability to close jaw for 24 hours after a rather hefty collision
Best Goal – James Orr, “Our Hero” (well, he did score the winner…)
Best Captain, organiser and all round lovely person – Lorraine Paul (ok, I admit I am biased!)
Best Newcomer – Hannah (Thank you Hannah. Will learn your last name next week!)
Best virtual support – Akshay “Doc” Kumar (team doctor advice via WhatsApp for George W)
Best team bonding exercise: Gary “Ghosty” Langthorne
Best remote support: The vets – Clare & Lucy thanks for “good luck” messages
Best Pass – Rich L-B (shame there aren’t more of them – keep practicing!)

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See you Tuesday!
zzzzZZZZ zzzzZZZZ …